Sunday, May 1, 2011

In A Zombie Apocalypse, Sam's Club Has Got You Covered!

Something uplifting and funny for you all.  It’s Sam’s Club time for our family, and we all fully prepared and ready to head out into the cavernous wasteland that is Sam’s Club.  Now, every once in a while we’ll look at the Sam ‘s website to see what interesting little things are available online that you cannot normally find at the store.  Well, we finally found something that really takes the cake.  A copany called Augason Farms is selling a product that is essentially a year’s supply of food.  All in these giant cans like you might be used to be seeing if you look on the other side of a salad bar at a buffet.  Yes, these giant color coded cans will provide enough sustenance for a family of four for at least one year.  And this is something that is a top seller.
There can only be two reasons for this being such a top seller.  The first one, people are really getting nervous about a zombie/nuclear apocalypse and want to be prepared.  Or the second one, and scarier; that people are getting so lazy that they only want to leave the house once a year to buy food.  Which seeing as how this product that costs around three thousand dollars it is available for shopping on the Sam’s website, you do not even have to leave the house to get it.  All you have to do I suppose is when the delivery person shows up is signal for the guards to raise the portcullis and allow them into your impregnable fortress to drop off your provisions.  Well two delivery people, this shipment of supplies contains eighty five separate cans.  Oh and you also get a wheat grinder.  Since you are going to have to make your own bread now that the zombies are coming.  But this will require a great deal of space to store all of this; which can only mean one thing.  Sam’s is in negotiations as we speak to start selling a two bedroom survival bunker; which you will soon be able to pick up at the store along with your year’s worth of rations. Razor wire and electrified fencing sold separately.
So whether you are an agoraphobic that only wants to leave the house once a year, or if you are readying for the zombie apocalypse(and it will happen); check out the Augason Farms Food Storage One Year Kit.  You’ll be so full of powdered eggs and dehydrated bananas you won’t know what to do with yourself.  But if you want other things like hot sauce or ketchup, you’re shit out of luck.  Looks like you’ll have to go to Amazon for that.

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha this is funny. But a great idea for people that deal with tornados and other natural disasters. If I was rich I would buy it with the survival bunker! Great article Dan!