Monday, March 21, 2011

So, The KFC Fun Isn't Quite Over Yet

Well folks, I thought that all the fun that I had with KFC this past week was over with the last column. To get you up to speed, in an attempt to appease me after finding a whole fried feather in my paper bucket of chicken; they offered me and my family a free replacement meal. You know, the one I was supposed to get originally. We ate the meal sometime last week and I was ready to let this whole thing go. They had done right by me and I considered the matter closed. I didn’t want to hear from them no more, I was done with KFC after that. I had gotten what I wanted; and I was pretty sure that they had finally made up for everything.
That is, until I went out to get the mail today. Aside from the magazines and junk mail, we got this envelope in the box that was from something called “Customer Service Center.” I knew that it didn’t have anything to do with the freezer in the garage; there wasn’t any Freon leaking all over the floor. So excitedly I open it up, figuring it was a free sample of Tide or something. Nope, I found this…

That's right folks.  An apology letter.  From the head chicken plucker himself, Mr. Larry Roberts.  Or so it would seem.  If you look closely, you can tell that this is a very standard form letter.  For all they know, my hand caught fire eating a biscuit.  No mention of the giant feather.  No mention of the rude service.  The corporate version of someone saying "my bad."
Oh, it gets better.  Pay special attention to the bottom of the letter.  See that red thing with the Colonel's face on it?  That's a five dollar coupon!  Yep, the next time we go to a KFC we get five dollars off.  Now the problem with that is, combined with the god awful service and the extra parts we received, nobody in my family ever wants to go to a KFC ever again.  The amount is a sight to behold as well.  Five bucks.  What the hell can you get at a KFC for five dollars?  If you add it up right, you can get a tablespoon of gravy, a eye dropper of coleslaw, and a picture of a buttermilk biscuit.  Sorry Larry, this is not good enough.  You guys couldn't leave well enough alone.  You had to insult me by saying the inconvenience that my family went through was only worth five bucks to you.  Well just to let you know, we will not be using this coupon.  Not because it is worthless, but because I'd like to think of it as free advertising for Chik-Fil-A.  So remember, if you find a feather in your KFC bucket, they only think it's worth five bucks for them to settle.

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